Welcome to the very first Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest. I am your host, Chelsea Owens.
Your first contest has the following rules:
- The topic is elective surgery.
- It’s short. Keep your poem below 200 words but above 4. That means anywhere from 5-199 words.
- To rhyme, or not this day? Up to you.
- And remember: the poem needs to be awful. I want to cringe. I want to scrub my eyes and go lick something to clear my artistic palate. -though, G-Rated.
Think you can do it? You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (November 16, 2018) to submit. Post your poem or the specific link to it in the comments.
Chelsea this made me smile! Love this 🧡
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😀 Oh, good.
Now, write a poem!
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Elective surgery
I hop to God no one has to go through what I went through:
having a leg cut off.
And having both arms surgically removed might look ‘armless
but I’m not applauding.
I don’t see why it was necessary to remove both eyes
when one was already blind.
All I asked the plastic surgeon for my elective surgery was to
“Make me like a painting.”
I never meant Picasso.
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Elective Surgery
“Two men to push a gurney?”
Enquired the recumbent Ernie
Only one to push him back,
And another with his bits in a sack.
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Elective Sugary
I know you can’t cure dyslexia with a knife.
So why, you ask, am I lying here?
About to go under and risk life,
T’was for something I hold much more dear:
It’s chocolate! and candy! and cake!
Well, anyone can make a mistake!
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I decided to have my nose removed to spite my face
Now had to decide on just the right place
To have this delicate procedure done
that my nose might smell but never run
This must be the place, everyone dressed in white
but then those cleavers gave me a fright
These weren’t doctors, they were butchers of meat
And it was too late for me to retreat
There went my nose, thrown into a pile
And then my lips, with a bloody smile
One by one I wholly became parts
It is true to say that I had lost heart.
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Boob Job…
I always knew I’d go under the knife
For a bigger chest, it was worth the strife
My meagre A cups are not what I want
But something much bigger that I can flaunt
Should I stop at a D or maybe an F
Or go even larger and really impress?
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Nip, tuck
Trust to luck
mirror says yuck
Nip, tuck
try it again?
third time’s the charm?
what’s the harm?
mirror’s alarmed
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