One of these parent teacher conferences, I’m going to turn to my abdomen and say, “Well, Ovaries, what do you have to say about this?”
Ah, Costco: where you go in for milk and come out with a new set of tires.
I began the summer following the Pre-Romantic Vacation Diet and have now hit the I Forgot I Have Children All Day Diet.
Hopefully I’ll find more self-control come September.
Before a company is allowed to release something like tight yoga pants, the sales executives must be exposed to a policeman-style lineup of every sort of person who may end up wearing them -particularly the backside, picking-up-something view.
Sheesh, women. You do know they go more transparent when stretched like that, right?
As I held my sweet little first grader in my arms, I lovingly said, “Agh! Don’t sneeze on my arm twice, then fart on my hand.”
He, of course, just giggled.
I don’t know why I’m such a pessimist. According to my blood type, I should B+.
I am the mother of four boys. Most days I have a lot of difficulty convincing myself that, at some time in the future, a female is going to be attracted to them.
That’s it. I don’t want to save any more daylight.